im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
