and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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