we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
