Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
