sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
