We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
