Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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