I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
