I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
