Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
