Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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