A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
