trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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