Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
