the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
