I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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