mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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