she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's shark week go big or go home
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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