Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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