she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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