My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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