i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
