Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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