Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
