True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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