remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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