Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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