I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
