next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
