This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
