He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
