i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
