Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
3 2 1 whiskey
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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