My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
