Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
