his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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