I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
