Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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