i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
