i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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