I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
