So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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