Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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