When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
