Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
