Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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