I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
