it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
