Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
