They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
