There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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