a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
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