dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
