non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
