i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
