Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
