I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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